Big Trouble, Little Slayer
by Jedi Buttercup
Summary: This is the story of how Jack Burton kind of, sort of, accidentally became a Watcher.
1. Big Trouble, Little Slayer

**Title**: Big Trouble, Little Slayer

**Author**: Jedi Buttercup

**Disclaimer**: The words are mine; the worlds are not.

**Summary**: PG-15. _This is the story of how Jack Burton kind of, sort of, accidentally became a Watcher._ 1500 words.

**Spoilers**: Big Trouble in Little China (1986); Buffy the Vampire Slayer (1992)

**Notes**: Year and spoilers from the BtVS movie, though I envisioned the story with Sarah Michelle Gellar in the role. (I have no excuse for this, other than that I just watched BTLC for the first time and laughed myself sick over it. Kurt Russell is love!)

* * *

Jack Burton didn't know exactly what he'd been expecting to happen when he left San Francisco after the throw-down with Lo Pan, but his vague notion of the future had featured a lot less supernatural horseshit than he'd just finished stepping in, that was for sure.

He'd lived all his life 'til that point without ever encountering a thing that couldn't be explained by science-- or contrarian human nature, at least. It was one thing to jaw on the radio about all the wonders that might be out there, another entirely to run smack into them. He liked to think he'd acquitted himself well, but he'd have been just as happy not to run into anything else remotely sorcerous for another thirty years, at least. Especially if he avoided Chinatown in future, nothing against Wang Chi and company.

That was part of the reason he hadn't taken Gracie Law up on her offer, really; why he hadn't so much as kissed her goodbye. As fiery and attractive as she was, he'd hoped to put all that week's insanity far behind him, green-eyed second-choice bride of David Lo Pan included.

He hadn't counted on the hairy critter stowed away on the back of his truck, though, nor the permanent aftereffects of what Egg Shen's potion had done to him. Maybe it was because he wasn't Chinese, or maybe the old fool had known what would happen all along and just hadn't warned him, but when the crazy clawed refugee from Lo Pan's menagerie jumped him he found out right quick that the enhancements it had made to his already excellent reflexes had stuck with him. It didn't take much longer than that for him to discover that the ability to "see things no one else can see" had hung around, too, more's the pity.

It wasn't that he'd never run across anything supernatural before, Jack soon realized. It was just that the mystical types were rarely as obvious about what they were as Lo Pan and his Three Storms buddies. The old bastard must've been getting a little senile and desperate in his old age to have risked causing public havoc in his pursuit of Miao Yin; most of the unnatural folk living in the shadows tended to avoid attracting official attention. If Jack hadn't been practically _forced_ to recognize them by the pricking of his thumbs-- or whatever else he was supposed to call the strange new sixth sense that drew his eye like some kind of silent alarm-- he doubted he'd have picked up on any of it post Lo Pan, either.

His first stop after leaving San Francisco just so happened to be in Los Angeles. Yeah, enough said about that. Afterward, it seemed like _every_ city he drove the Porkchop Express through had its own population of unacknowledged ghoulies and ghosties. Some of them he couldn't help but interfere with, like when he spotted a pair of assholes with fangs dragging a coed off into the underbrush. That shit was just not going to fly around him, not when he could help it. Not all of them were predatory, though; some were helpful, like Egg Shen had been, and many more were just skating the edge of harmless, like the loose-skinned guys he played poker with after one of his regular deliveries. How he'd chalked that up to a "bad skin condition" before, he had no idea; but he seriously doubted they were any kind of threat to humanity, even if they _did_ have the bad taste to prey on kittens.

After his first set of busted ribs and bruised throat courtesy of a brace of hungry vampires-- which he'd fully admit he'd mostly survived by sheer luck and an improvised wooden knife broken from a tree branch-- Jack finally gave up on hoping the effect would just _go away_, and sat down to write a long letter to Egg Shen courtesy of Wang's restaurant. He didn't know if the old wizard would be back from his "vacation" yet-- or even if he really had been planning to return-- but the guy was the only possible source of knowledge Jack felt comfortable approaching. (Gracie Law might be able to find out, but she'd just want to come out and join him, which he still thought was a bad idea on grounds of inevitable personality conflict; Wang might, too, but he had Miao Yin and their growing family to think about). He gave a drop box in L.A. for a return address, and in the meantime kept educating himself the good old fashioned way: by sheer trial and error.

About six years passed that way, Jack touring the country's thoroughfares and sticking his non-supernatural nose in where it didn't belong, before he came across a pair of leatherclad teenagers at a rest stop halfway between Los Angeles and some podunk town called Sunnydale. By that time, he'd picked up quite a bit about the world's unnatural nightlife through experience and correspondence, and even met a couple other so-called "hunters", but he'd never seen anything like the way the lithe little blonde utterly destroyed a pair of predatory demons with nothing more than her fists and a sharp knife. She moved like the Storms had, like she was on wires or something, and she had those green eyes-- those jade-green eyes that brought the mess in Little China back like it had been yesterday.

Her name was Buffy Summers, of all things; she was temporarily without home or schooling due to a little incident with a gym full of vampires gone flambé, and was seriously surprised to find herself faced with an adult who actually believed her story without prior knowledge of her "destiny". Her boyfriend, Pike, reminded Jack of his own younger bad-boy self; Jack wasn't sure at first glance that he'd last in the business, not once the excitement and revenge wore off and left only duty and responsibility to keep them going, but it seemed like he was the thing keeping _her_ going at the moment, so Jack wished him the best. (He'd managed to do it himself, after all-- though he'd had a little magical assistance).

Jack spent a couple of hours tossing beers back with them and sharing war stories-- underage or not, the shit they'd experienced deserved adult recognition, in his opinion-- then drove on the next morning. Two ships passing in the night-- he'd never really expected to see them again.

Of course, he'd forgotten that he'd told them about Egg Shen's letters; and of course, Buffy had mentioned she'd lost her mentor before he'd really had a chance to explain much of anything beyond "here stake, there vampire"; so maybe he should have expected the two-wheeled tail he picked up later that morning. The minute he recognized the pair on the motorbike, he pulled over, expecting trouble-- and instead ended up with a persistent blonde passenger peppering him with questions all that afternoon. Poor Pike was left to follow on his own, reclaiming his girl when they stopped that night for supper.

One afternoon soon became two, became a week, became longer. Became a blonde with green eyes sharing his sleeper cab with him after all, boyfriend left behind at last during their next stop in L.A. She might not have been the blonde Jack had first considered for the role-- and yes, he was fully aware he was going to hell for taking Buffy up on her offer, especially after rejecting a woman much closer to his own age-- but who was he to turn a determined Slayer down? She was a feisty little minx, with reflexes even better than his, a kind heart, and stamina to die for. No joke intended.

Jack still ran his routes in the Porkchop Express after that, but he had more intoxicating inspiration now for his little Wisdom From Jack Burton sessions on the CB than alcohol and disappointment, and it was a rare night that he and Buffy didn't find _some_ kind of action to keep them occupied at their pit stops, trouble or otherwise. He did rub his partner the wrong way sometimes, as he'd warned Gracie six years before; but then again, Buffy was no perfect flower either, and the making up part of the argument cycle proved _well_ worth it.

He even took her back to meet Wang Chi and family once-- though that's another story entirely.

_This_ is the story of how Jack Burton kind of, sort of, accidentally became a Watcher, bless Quentin Travers' horrified little British soul. He might not be the most orthodox example, but he's kept his Slayer alive past her twenty-first birthday, and how many Watchers can say that?

It isn't a life he'd ever have expected-- but remember what ol' Jack Burton says when the earth quakes, and the poison arrows fall from the sky, and the pillars of Heaven shake?

"Give me your best shot, pal. I can take it."

He has.

-x-


	2. It's All In The Reflexes

**Title**: It's All In The Reflexes

**Author**: Jedi Buttercup

**Rating**: T

**Summary**: _So Jack finally took his girl back to meet Wang Chi and family- though, of course, there's more to the story than that._ 1700 words.

**Prompt**: 24 Days of Ficmas, Day 5: For Speakertocustomers. Brought to you by wishlist_fic. Prompt B:tVS/BTiLC, in the "Big Trouble, Little Slayer" 'verse. Movie-verse in both cases, with a few series details for flavor.

* * *

Jack Burton slowly eased the Porkchop Express to a halt across the street from the Dragon of the Black Pool, and shifted the truck into park. He took a long look at the sign, then glanced up and down the street, half expecting to see another Chinese gang war in progress or another rakshasa creeping up on his truck. Nothing showed itself, though, and after a moment he relaxed, turned the key in the ignition, and glanced over at his passenger.

"Well, here we are," he said.

Buffy yawned a little; they'd driven straight through that day and it was nearly time for supper. Then she stretched enticingly in her seat and pushed a few loose strands of blonde hair out of her eyes.

"Well, it's about time," she replied.

Her eyes: dragon green, like Gracie Law's, like Miao Yin's. He smiled at her crankiness, and leaned over to start the visit off right: with a greeting kiss.

"You know, Egg Shen said last time I saw him in person that China is in the heart, and she was with him wherever he went," he mused aloud. "I think he was right: I've been carrying a piece of Chinatown with me ever since I left."

She leaned into the kiss, then rolled her eyes at him and tucked the stuffed animal she'd been using as a pillow behind her seat. Jack found the thing hilarious- her high school mascot had been the Hemery Hogs, and some lame-ass boyfriend had thought a little pink pig would be an appropriate gift for a cheerleader- but she cherished it as one of the few mementos she had of her life in Los Angeles.

"Why'd you wait so long to come back, then?" she asked. "We've been travelling together a year, and you last visited here six years before that, but you've said these guys are the closest thing to family you've got. Didn't they invite you before?"

He gave her a sheepish grin. "Well, I was kind of wanted for questioning there for awhile, after half a block went up in green flames right after I reported my truck stolen and the authorities got an eyeful of me driving away."

She gave him a skeptical look at that.

"Okay, okay, and I was a little spooked. Wouldn't you be? Wait, don't answer that." He'd already heard her story about how she'd discovered the supernatural world, and while his encounter with Lo Pan and company won on crazy points, she'd been just as upset. More, even; she'd been a senior in high school at the time, and ol' Jack had at least had a few decades of life experience to work from.

He sighed, and shrugged. "Call it denial if you want, but I spent the first few months after that nowhere _near_ this place- and once I gave in and started writing Egg Shen about the things that go bump in the night, I didn't want to drag them back into it. They were safe, and talking about starting a family; they could go back to being _normal_. But I couldn't. Didn't think I ever would again."

"And what, _I_ make you more normal?" She laughed.

"What? No," he objected. "You know what Jack Burton says about normal-"

"It's just a difficulty setting in a video game," she finished the sentence, rolling her eyes again with a smile, "and life ain't no game."

That was the problem with travelling with the same person long-term: they learned all his favorite lines and jokes and repeated them back to him. Good thing he found it cute when Buffy did it.

He laughed and shook his head. "You're about as normal as I am- and I like that about you, Buffy. It's more like- I feel like if they've known me this long, and know what I'm up to, and still want me, who am I to deny them the pleasure of Jack Burton's company? And if I _do_ bring trouble knocking, now I have you to help me take care of it."

Her smile brightened visibly at that, and she leaned into him for another lingering kiss. Then she bent over to pick her purse up off the floorboards, and laid her fingers on the door handle. "Good answer," she said. "So, like, do I get to meet them now or are we going to sit here all night?"

_Teenager_, he thought fondly. Yeah, and that was another reason he'd waited a year after he'd met her: to make sure she'd stick around. No way did he want to face the jokes from everyone about dating a kid half his age unless he was sure he'd be keeping her. "Yeah, let's go," he said, and got out of the truck.

He tucked her under his arm as they walked to the door, then went inside, shucking their jean jackets in the warm air. Wang and Miao Yin were seated at a table with their two little ones- a boy who looked just like Wang, and a girl with Miao Yin's eyes. He sure hoped they had a protective eye on _her_ future. With them were Margo and Eddie Lee- they must be 'on again'- and Uncle Chu; but he didn't see Egg. The old sorcerer must not be back in town yet. He introduced Buffy to all of them- then shook his head as one more person made her way back from the restrooms.

"Still sticking your nose in where it doesn't belong?" he addressed the lawyer with a smile as she approached the table.

She raised her eyebrows at him, and tilted up her chin as she replied. "Just wanted to see what kind of girl you _would_ kiss goodbye," she said airily.

Seven years, and she was _still_ harping on that? Jack grinned at her. "Still mad about that? I'd've thought you'd have found some other guy to set you up in a house trailer by now. But I guess ol' Jack Burton is just too irresistible- ow!" He winced and looked down to meet Buffy's disapproving frown, and gave her a sheepish look as he rubbed the spot where she'd pinched him with her superstrong fingers.

He cleared his throat over the sound of Wang's chuckles. "Anyway- Gracie Law, this is Buffy Summers; don't make fun of her name, she's a hell of a lot deadlier than she looks. And Buffy, this is Gracie Law, the lawyer who started that whole mess I got caught up in."

The two women eyed each other, then simultaneously stuck their hands out to shake. "Nice to meet you, Ms. Summers," Gracie said, breaking out into an approving smile.

"I'm pleased to meet you too, Ms. Law," Buffy replied, in her best rich man's daughter manners. "And I'm looking forward to hearing your stories about Jack's first visit."

Jack backed away from that conversation while the getting was good, and took a seat next to Wang, where he could watch his girl shine without catching the rough edge of either woman's tongue.

"So, how you been, Wang?" he asked, shaking his friend's hand.

"Pretty good, Jack, pretty good," Wang answered, grinning. "Deadlier than she looks, huh? I guess this means you've finally found someone else to play sidekick to?"

"Sidekick?" Jack objected, taking the jab with good-natured humor. He _had_ knocked himself out while Wang was dancing around in the air crossing swords with Rain, after all. "I'll have you know I spent six years kicking ass alone before I met her."

"Sure, sure, Jack," Wang teased again, then turned to lift his son into his lap to introduce him.

Before they could get very far into the conversation, though, another person walked in the door to the Black Pool; Jack looked up, expecting Egg Shen, but caught sight of an older white guy wearing tweed, of all things, instead.

"I'm sorry, this is a family party," Uncle Chu stepped forward to block his path. "Did you not see the sign on the door?"

The dude cast his eye over the table, lingering first on Jack, then Miao Yin. "I have come seeking the Slayer," he said, in a lofty British accent.

Jack stood up, glowering at the guy. Whoever he was, if he knew about Buffy's title he was one of two things: a bad guy looking to hunt her, or a demon fighter looking to _use_ her. "Look, there's no one here by that name," he said, indignantly, hoping Buffy would take the hint and stay out of sight.

"I beg to differ," the man said, lifting his nose in a condescending sniff and turning away from Jack. "You may not wish to take up your destiny, Ms. Summers, but it will most certainly find you, and the next visitor may not be benevolent." With that, he pulled a knife from his pocket and threw it directly at Miao Yin- from an angle that sent the knife winging by Jack's face.

Jack reached out, felt the blade snap into his palm, and flung it back, pinning the intruder's jacket to the wall. "It's all in the reflexes," he crowed at the guy's surprised look, then pointed to Buffy, emerging like an avenging angel from the nook where she'd been talking to Gracie. "_She's_ the Slayer, and we're not interested in whatever the fuck you're selling if you can't even recognize which girl to throw the knife at. So why don't you get out of here before we giftwrap you for the hell of the upside-down sinners?" He'd been there; and he'd bet it still wasn't a very pleasant place to be.

The guy swallowed, then started into some spiel about Watcher's Council authority.

And _that's_ the story of how Jack and Buffy found out there were more of the suckers than just Merrick- and inadvertently got Jack himself added to their rolls. Without remuneration, of course- a fancy way of saying 'not paying you jack squat'. Not that he minded. They didn't need them; Jack had his own funds, and Egg Shen for information.

And so they went on shaking the pillars of heaven Jack Burton-style.

Stuck-up know-it-alls most definitely _not_ invited along.

-x-


End file.
